My thoughts in Taglish

grabe!  i want to pull my hair na.  ang kulit nung katrabaho ko.  naiintindihan ko naman yung situation niya pero what she doesn’t seem to get is that whatever she’s doing is not helping.   like her ako rin medyo may pagkakulit.  i like to follow up on things pagwala pa akong answer na nakukuha.  but unlike her ako dinadaan ko sa pakiusap, as in i really think about how i’m going to word my email para very courteous/polite ang dating ng pag-follow up ko.  tsaka ako, compliant naman ako, pagsinabi sa akin na huwag gawin ang isang bagay, di ko gagawin.  pero siya hindi.  she has pissed off several people now.  di ako magtataka if she has to wait even longer because of what she’s done so far.   aggressive/demanding people are so hard to deal with.  they seem to be too self-centered as if sila lang yung may kailangan.  if she only listened to my explanation of the situation she would or should understand that it is beyond anyone’s control.  the people are doing the best they can, there are just too many requests.  sa pagkakaalam ko i did try to listen to what she have to say pero siya ready na magsalita kahit na i’m not done talking yet.

i just needed to let it out.  wala kasi akong masabihan kaya dito ko na lang sa blog binubuhos ang nararamdaman ko. 

ok, relax haidee, breathe in, breathe out…

p.s.  i think the Lord is testing me. it seems like i’ve been dealing with more difficult people at work these past few months.   is it that hard to make pakiusap instead of demanding?  i’m sure others will just tell me ikaw na ang umintindi sa kanila.  yeah!  my pag-intindi has its limit too, you know?

i did it!  i was successful in making soon dubu jigae

ready to see what’s inside?

here it is…  (of course it’s not as good as the ones from the restaurant, but not bad considering it’s my first attempt)

i bought broiled mackerel yesterday at h mart and thought that i’d need some veggies to go with that for lunch tomorrow so i decided to make veggie pancake (green onions, chives, zucchini).

here’s my dinner tonight :D  yummy!!!

some observations from my soon dubu jigae…

-i used too much hot pepper powder.  what was i thinking?  grabe!  my nasal passages were opened after i finished it.

-since it was too spicy i had to add more stock so the soup ended up too watery (but still spicy)

-i need to use a little bit more oil in frying the beef.  nagdikit sa pot yung beef

-it’s salty enough with just 1 tablespoon of patis (instead of 2 according to the recipe).  watching my sodium intake, ya know!

-i need to use a different frozen seafood mix, yung meron mussels and walang imitation crab.

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kahit na i just went to the korean supermarket yesterday nagshopping pa rin ako today sa chinese/vietnamese supermarket naman.  kasi i’m looking for ‘chocolate crunchies’ para ipadala sa pamangkin ko.  my ditsi told me that my niece loves it and she only have 1 left, as in 1 piece, hindi 1 box :(    i found them after going to 3 different stores.  yung una sa vietnamese supermarket, i think this store have the most pinoy food.  unfortunately wala yung hinahanap ko.  i was gonna buy the mango nectar (philippine brand) kaso when i looked at the expiration date july 2008, ngek!  yung guava juice naman december 2007 yata, tsk, tsk, tsk…  then i went to hongkong market (that’s the name of the store), wala ring choco crunchies.  i found out though that they no longer sell eng bee tin hopia :(     the hopia made here (vietnamese) doesn’t taste the same, it’s got too much of the outside and not enough of the monggo filling.  anyway, the last stop was asia world (which is in the north, yung dalawa kasi more south east) at doon ko nahanap yung chocolate crunchies :)  i also bought a peeler kasi for the life of me, di ko talaga mahanap kung nasaan yung vegetable peeler ko.  nakakaloka! i have no idea where it could be.  sa tingin ko i accidentally threw it away with all the balat after i peeled some veggies a week or so ago

i started writing this yesterday but didn’t get to finish.

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i didn’t realize i had so many different kinds of vinegar until last night.  the discovery came when i was trying to make this dipping sauce for the korean seafood pancake i made (more on that later).  i watched a video on youtube on how to make it and the lady giving the instruction just said “as for the sauce, you know, just mix soy sauce and vinegar” (something like that).  so i tried it the first time i made the pancake.  it didn’t taste right.  then i tried to make it again this week, ganun pa rin, basta, di tama yung lasa.  nagtataka ako kasi that’s what i did naman – mix soy sauce and vinegar.    last night naisip ko to use another vinegar i have – distilled vinegar (found in regular grocery store here) or the datu puti vinegar.  then pagtingin ko sa cabinet i found a bottle of sushi vinegar so sabi ko pwede na rin siguro yun then next thing you know i found a bottle of rice vinegar (which is what the recipe called for when i searched it online).  oh yeah, the taste wasn’t right the first few times i made it kasi i was using red vinegar.   now that i know how to make the dipping sauce (soy sauce, rice vinegar, sugar, chili pepper) my seafood pancake taste even much better

i actually brought some of the pancakes to my co-workers and they liked it.  yung isa seafood pancake, yung isa veggie pancake (kasi he doesn’t eat seafood).  the fact that he liked it says a lot kasi super picky eater siya.  sabi nga nila kulang daw nung sauce, sabi ko naman kasi that time di ko pa alam yung recipe.  i told them next time i’ll bring some complete with the dipping sauce.

i’m not sure if na-influence ako to really like korean food because of the korean dramas i watch or if it’s because they’re really good.  i think it’s the latter.  kasi the food that i especially like aren’t the ones eaten normally on the drama.  my all time favorite korean food is soon dubu jigae (seafood soft tofu soup).  i also like the seafood pancake and beef short ribs.  ang mahal kaya nung pancake if you order it at the korean restaurant kaya naisip ko to make it myself.  i saw the pancake mix kasi sa kroean grocery so how hard can it be to make it, di ba?  all you need is add tons of green onions and seafood.  and it’s a lot cheaper to make it myself.  all in all, i didn’t even spend as much as what i paid for one order of the pancake at the restaurant.  tapos with the ingredients i get to make 4-5x more.  the only thing is i can’t get it to be really crispy, siguro kasi kulang yung oil na ginamit ko.  i didn’t want to make it too unhealthy kasi eh :)   with regards to the beef short ribs, you can get it raw and marinated at the korean grocery so all i have to do is grill it at home.

next dish i’m going to attempt to make is the soft tofu soup.  i watched a video (the same lady – maangchi) on how to make it but it’s a lot more complicated than the pancake.  it’ll be so good if i learn to make it so i won’t need to go to korean restaurant every time i’m craving it.

talking about korean food… i remember eating this beef stew in the kimchi fastfood back home.  so when i was first exposed to the korean restaurant here i was looking for that dish on the menu but up til now i have been unsuccessful.   i guess it’s a more unusual dish since it’s more on the sweet side.  korean dishes are mostly very spicy, as in super anghang.

i went to h mart (huge korean supermarket) today and spent a lot, tsk, tsk, tsk…  di bale, yung mga ingredients naman i can use for a long time.  i actually bought a claypot for the soon dubu jigae (para talagang authentic ang dating), providing i’m successful in making it.  bukas ko pa lulutuin, we’ll see…

i stopped by yogurtland since nandoon na rin ako.  of all the frozen yogurt i’ve had, i think this one is the cheapest ($0.30 per oz).  sobrang daming flavor yung pwedeng pagpilian.  i ended up getting the plain, boysenberry, blueberry and taro.  tapos i topped it with strawberry, blueberry and almonds.  yum!!!

i realized today that h mart isn’t as far as i thought it is.  or maybe i was just really excited to get the ingredients for soon dubu jigae kaya i didn’t mind driving all the way there :)  bakit naman kasi lahat ng korean supermarkets eh malayo sa apartment ko

goodness!  it’s driving me crazy.  i can’t remember the title of that song by allona.  it’s a tagalog song back in the 90s.  the chorus is something like “kung kailan mahal na kita tsaka ko nalaman may mahal kang iba.”  i googled it but can’t find it.  if you know the title, please let me know.  i really want to know.  thanks!

p.s.  i wasn’t thinking of that song because i can relate to it, naisip ko lang.

last friday bigla akong nagka-craving for korean food and since i have time after work and before awana i went to the sole korean restaurant in chinatown (para malapit sa church).  i’ve been wanting to try the food there but just haven’t gotten the chance to.  so, armed with a book i went in by myself.  siyempre they were a bit surprised when my reply to the question “how many?” was one (yes, there’s just me, you got a problem with that?)  the waitress was even more surprised when i ordered food for more than one person (hey, i plan to take home what i couldn’t finish para i have food to eat on the weekend).  the seafood pancake was good.  the tofu soup however was just so so.  maybe i should have ordered the seafood tofu soup instead of the beef, oh well.  it would have been a perfect scene for a korean drama had there been a bottle of soju with all the food (they give 7-9 side dishes i think) and had i been either heartbroken or really depressed.  but i was actually happily savoring my food.  i dare not drink kasi i have to drive tsaka pwede ba namang i go to awana na lasing, di ba?  anyway, it does look a bit unusual kasi lahat ng nandoon ay either couples or a group.  i dared to go by myself kasi talagang gusto kong kumain ng korean food that day but i’m wondering, what if i crave for chili’s or tgi fridays? will i be brave enough to go eat there alone?  probably not.  but then again, pagkain yung pinag-uusapan and i really love to eat so maybe i will.  i’ll blog about it if ever i go

i got a text message as i was shopping earlier this afternoon.  didn’t expect it to be from a co-worker.  our director sent out the email na daw that he’s leaving next may 2009.  tinanong ako nung co-worker ko if i got the email, sabi ko i don’t check my work email during the weekends.  (pag-uwi ko i checked my work email but didn’t get the email.  i figure our director only sent it to the people in the lab.)  after getting that news, nawalan na ako ng gana magshopping.  tsaka naisip ko, i shouldn’t be spending money anymore; i should start saving coz i may not have a job by next may.

ok, i’m gonna go cry na para mailabas ko yung mga fears and worries ko.  baka ano pang mangyari sa akin if i keep them all in.

so this is how it feels…

the situation three and a half years ago didn’t make me anxious but this time it does.  pareho naman yung situation kaso this time walang guarantee, walang fall back plan.

come monday midday we’ll all find out what will happen to us.  kung talagang aalis yung boss namin and may pumalit sa kanya at nagkataong may sariling assistant yung papalit sa kanya, sorry na lang ako — goodbye job, hello unemployment.  talaga nga naman o, kailangan pa naming maghintay hanggang monday.  the tsimis was that today namin malalaman yung decision niya.  yung tsismis pala talagang tsismis lang, walang katotohanan.

ang hirap ng mabigat ang feeling.  unsettled.  uncertain.  unclear.

Life is full of things we can’t do anything about, but which we are supposed to do something with.  -Elisabeth Elliott

there are a lot of things in my mind but am not quite sure how to put to words so i’ll borrow from someone else’s blog (i don’t personally know the writer but i sometimes visit the blog; can’t even remember how i came across her blog)

Minsan talaga mahirap lang magsulat. Minsan di mo lang alam kung saan huhugutin yung mga gusto mong sabihin. Minsan di mo naman alam kung paano sasabihin yung mga pira-pirasong opinyon, ideya at pananaw na umiikot sa isipan mo.

the whole drive to work wala akong iniisip kundi — sleep.  as in gusto kong matulog and am looking forward to the end of the work day so i can go home and sleep.  ako naman din kasi ang may kasalanan kung bakit kulang ako sa tulog.  tuesday is a busy tv watching night for me.  dire-diretso yan starting 7 pm hanggang 10 pm.  di ko nga natapos yung ‘without a trace’ last night eh, nakatulog ako the last 15-20 minutes.  paggising ko, news na.  then i realized that i haven’t prepared my baon for today kaya ayun busy sa kitchen.  at first i was thinking i’ll go to bed after that na kaso addict na naman ako sa isang teleserye - kahit isang saglit (kis).  sobrang kakatuwa talaga yung cast ng kis.  ang ganda ni carmen soo, she’s so simple and charming.  buti na lang this teleserye isn’t that long; i read in the forum that it’s only supposed to run for 13 weeks or so.  anyway, it doesn’t help that i was finishing a book last night as well.  i keep telling myself, konting pages na lang i’m done na, kaya naman i didn’t shut my eye until 1 am.

i’m thinking whether i should take a quick nap later when i get home kasi ‘criminal minds’ doesn’t start until 8 pm or if i should go ahead and watch kis sa internet bago mag 8 o’clock para by the time matapos yung csi:ny, i can go to bed na.

i better go grab a cup of coffee now kasi i don’t think i’ll be able to last the day without a little caffeine

the other day i was wondering if i was stressed kasi naman i have a singaw and eye twitch, and nabasa ko that one of the cause of both conditions eh stress.  today, confirmed ko na stressed nga ako.  not sa work ko per se, but sa mga katrabaho ko.

this morning i had to talk to somebody to explain something and i noticed na lumalakas yung boses ko due to frustration.  grabe!  i dislike myself for doing that but sobrang frustrated lang ako.  tapos not long after that dumating yung isa kong katrabaho and asked me kung nagawa ko na yung pinagawa niya sa akin nung monday.  eh tinanong na niya ako nung monday, sabi oo, nagawa ko na.  tapos eto na naman, tinatanong na naman ako.  ginawa ko na nga eh, ano pa pang proof gusto niya?  nakakagigil!!!!

kahapon naman ako yung pinagbuhusan ng frustration/galit/inis, palibhasa ako yung unang taong nakikita nila sa office.  naiintindihan ko yung situation, pero may patakaran na dapat sundin.  eh bakit sa akin siya magagalit?  at hindi lang yun, inutusan ako kung ano ang dapat kong gawin.  naku ha!  ano feeling niya?  boss ko siya?  ang boss ko eh yung director namin tsaka administrator namin.  may mga taong hindi talaga marunong makiusap, ang alam lang eh mag-demand.  anyway, hinayaan ko siyang magdadada, in the end sabi ko, i’ll talk to my supervisor about it.  actually, i emailed my supervisor.   dati pa itong taong ‘to masyadong demanding at may pagka-rude sa akin, iniisip ko baka kasi i’m asian kaya ganyan yung pakikitungo niya sa akin; pero maski sa supervisor ko, may pagka-rude din siya.  feeling niya siya dapat masunod.  ok lang siya?

today’s not a good day to check my blood pressure dahil siguradong mataas yung reading.  hay…..

teka, kaya rin siguro umiinit yung ulo ko kasi di pa ako nakapag-breakfast.  makakain na nga.